Adult online personals are not just web sites for sexually inhibited people who have not experienced their desired and/or appropriate satisfaction for decades. The Internet is full of such people, of course, and adult online personals are certainly no exception. Adult online personals are not just web sites for sexually inhibited people who have not experienced their desired and/or appropriate satisfaction for decades. The Internet is full of such people, of course, and adult online personals are certainly no exception. It is flooded with manic visitors. But these sites are not always wrapped around pornography and deviant individuals. Adult online personals can be a nice and, moreover, totally PRUDENT way to meet new people. As we all have access to the Internet, why not try to enlarge the number of our friendships and acquaintances by just logging on and searching for people on the net? If you really want to meet new people and yearn new experience, adult online personals can be just one way to do that. You don't need to go to bars or discos, and spend the whole evening trying to communicate with drunken strangers. There are better way to make new friends. People who go to public places just to meet someone new, are often discouraged and dissatisfied. They soon discover with despair that they have spent their whole evening and they haven't met anyone worth meeting. Meeting people on the Internet has this big caveat: you can always be reasonably sure that the people you talk to really want to talk to you. Chatting is a really nice way to get in touch with people. You don't feel that you are bothering anyone, creeping to their table at a disco, and trying to make a conversation. By chatting you can really get in touch with the one you choose, which is basically what makes adult online personals so utterly irresistible amongst social seekers. But you have to be careful when giving out your information on the Internet. You should keep your privacy and step carefully towards deeper levels of communications. You never know who you are chatting with, right? You should first check this carefully before exposing yourself too much. Don't give any security information about your address, phone number and so on.

Thousands of "swingers" post their ads online every day hoping to find someone to spice up their "sex life". However, most people end up disappointed with the response that they get. In this article, we're going to talk about how to write your "personal ad" so that the response that you get is more likely to be what you're looking for. You should remember that your "personal ad" should be designed to serve two purposes: tell other people about yourselves and stand out from thousands of other "personal ads". One of the first things that most sites' registration form will ask you is to compose the headline for your "personal ad". A lot of people do not give this part a proper attention, however, it's the headline that gets listed in most search results and makes visitors click through or skip your "personal ad". Most people put down something that does not do justice to their ads. Headlines like "looking for fun" or "cpl seeking cpl" do nothing for your ad since they only state the obvious. Everybody is "looking for fun", otherwise people wouldn't be doing this. And saying what group you're looking for in your headline is redundant because the user would already know that by the time s/he gets to your ad since s/he has probably used browse or search functions to get to it. Your headline should summarize who you are and what you're looking for in just several words. It's not an easy task, but it's possible if you put some thought into it. That way it will stand out from other ads by telling the visitors more than the other ads, and on the other hand it will not attract the unwanted responders. If you are a couple who is looking for your first experience, certain group age or activity - it would be a great idea to mention it in your headline. So if you're a young couple who is new to the lifestyle and looking for your first experience, the headline may say something like "Young cpl new to the lifestyle - looking for same". In just several words you have gotten out one of the most important things about yourselves and what you're looking for. So, people who are looking for the same would be more interested in clicking on your ad and people who are out of your age group or hardcore swingers would definitely pass it by therefore spearing you a possibly unwanted response to sort through. Now that you have make sure that your ad will be read by the right people and as many of them as possible, it's time to move on to composing the body of your ad. It is important to make it long enough to give others the good idea about yourselves, yet short enough not to bore them and make them quit reading it. There are two main points that you must definitely communicate to whoever is reading your ad. You need to clearly state who you are and what you are looking ( or not looking ) for in another person or persons. Usually it's a good idea to state your age, height, weight, location and other "numbers". You can also mention cup size, body type, hair color and/or length, etc. If you are a couple looking for another couple, make sure to describe both of you and not just the female. Try to stay away from describing yourselves as "gorgeous", "beautiful", etc. Besides sounding shallow, you can never tell if you are in someone else's taste anyway. So, leave making the conclusions about your appearance to others. After, you're done with the basic stuff, you can go on to describing things like how long you have been married, engaged or dating if you're a couple. Also, you might mention how long you have been in the lifestyle and if you had any experiences. Finish up with some light stuff like what you like to do for fun and your general outlook on life and/or sex. Now on to what you are looking for in other people. Ironically, when you're talking about what you're looking for in others, it is most important to mention what you are NOT looking for. If you are a couple who is seeking another couple for swapping, you should mention that you are not looking for singles to respond. And if you're an older couple who is looking for someone in your age group, make sure to mention that, so people who are much younger than you are do not bother to respond. However, it is extremely important to be polite and try not to offend anybody with your ad. Even if it's people who you don't want to respond. By being rude, you will sound shallow and push away people who you might be interested in. So, if you are looking for a couple who is rather thin, try to stay away from saying something like "fat people need not respond", instead say something like "we are looking for someone with an athletic/slim build". You can finish up by talking about whether you're looking for a sexual or more of a social relationship. Tell others if you'd like to take things fast, slow or you're a flexible depending on the chemistry. Are you looking for others to take control or be more subtle? List all those preferences if they really matter to you. If you are flexible on some of them - do not bring them up at all - it only clutters the ad. It is always a good idea to describe your stand on safe sex and whether or not you have been or are going to practice it in your possible encounters. Now your ad is complete. However it is still missing something very important. It is always recommended to not just describe yourselves in the ad, but actually attach a picture. You're going to end up sending your pictures to most people anyway, otherwise most of them will not go further than a couple of e-mails. So, why not do it right up front? By adding your picture to your profile you're not only increasing the amount of people who will click on your ad, you are also decreasing the amount of people who may not be into your looks and won't bother you with useless responses that will not get anywhere anyway. Remember that your picture doesn't need to be of a magazine quality. It is there to only give others the idea of what you look like and to make sure they are physically attracted to you, since it is a crucial part of the swinging relationship. So, make sure to have as much of your body in the picture as possible. A close up of a private part does not tell much to others about your overall appearance. Also, if you're a couple looking for another couple you should include both partners in the picture. Most people are not into revealing their identity and participate in the lifestyle discretely. If you're one of them and that's what holds you back from posting your picture, there are several ways to accomplish both. You can take your picture without the face appearing on it, or you can blur or cut it off by cropping the picture after it was snapped. It's that simple. Well, I think you're now ready to compose your own ad. And even if you're already have one - you can always modify it and re-post to see what happens. Have fun and happy swinging!

With the thousands of hot profiles that populate dating sites, you must know the secret to success to getting noticed through chat rooms. Everybody has a slight fear of rejection or public humiliation. It's hard to strike up a conversation with a stranger, or someone you don't already know very well. Chat rooms provide a safe, intimidation-free environment for people to explore their possibilities on dating sites. Users can try to focus on each other and find someone with a great personality. If you want a good online dating experience, start by accessing more chat rooms. No Risks There is always the option to stop talking to someone in a chat room. You can't exactly get up and walk away from the dinner table without feeling awkward if your date offends you by talking about how they get gas from eating snow peas. With most dating sites, you can even block users who do not interest you. You're in control of your environment in a chat room. Kick back. Relax You can chat in your pajamas. You can chat in your bathrobe. Online dating is a less intimidating method to begin the dating process. Enjoy your favorite drink while talking about your likes and dislikes with a potential match. Because you can chat in your own home, you will be less likely to hold back. Your true personality will be displayed for all to see, and you might find yourself expressing things you didn't know were possible. When one door closes... Fear of rejection is a serious barrier for all daters. Online dating sites give you a chance to explore many opportunities. Browse through thousands of profiles, and then spend time in chat rooms, email, or phone correspondence. If you find that one relationship doesn't work out, there are many more possibilities waiting for you back at the computer. Who you really are... Since you can view photos, check out blogs, and see what music a person is listening to online, it's much easier to display a big picture of yourself. Chat rooms allow people to see the myriad of things you are interested in, letting your full personality shine. It might become easier for you to draw positive attention to yourself when you've got no physical distractions around. Use your words as a tool. People notice witticism and humor. You might find that people are more appreciative of your personality in a chat room. Opportunity knocks Don't be shy. You can show people your blog, your website, and that random picture of you that is posted on that one site you never tell anyone about. Network by using other forms of online material outside the chat room or dating site you frequent. It establishes truth to your credentials, and it's another non-threatening way for someone to find out more about you. The secret to getting noticed Amidst the thousands of hot profiles on dating sites, it can be difficult to get noticed. However, if you want the secret to success in becoming noticed and popular on dating sites, then you simply need to engage in the chat rooms. When you are a frequent contributor to chat room conversations, and perhaps even write a blog for the dating site, you become a "celebrity" in the community - getting your profile noticed! About Author Aelicia Anderson is publicist and content writer for the dating site FlingFinder. She can often be found kicking back in the chat rooms.

The biggest "quality" of men is their commodity, am I right? And when they are online they want to relax and are forgetting to be efficient. They only want to stay there, in front of the computer and wait for women to make the first step. Even worse, they don’t bother to completely fill their profiles or just spill out a few words. Are you one of these types? So let’s see what women believe when they are reading your online profile. The frequent sentences what you can find in men’s profiles are: -"Just contact me and you won’t regret." and now what she thinks when she’s reading this: "What??? Next!!!" -"I am the best and I am waiting for you." she thinks "Yeah sure, next!" -"Who wants to know more about me just ask." or " If you want me just try your chance." she thinks " Why I would like to know more about you? You are nobody to me." The problem is that you are not giving her any reason, any impulse to contact YOU. She is browsing profiles, why should she stop from doing that? - "You will find more about me later." she is thinking "Really? Just wait for me! Next." The key of attracting attention to a woman is to talk about her. You can do this from the very beginning by making a profile that is addressed to HER. So be specific saying what you are really looking for. Say the things that are most important for you, the area where you would like to live with your next girlfriend, the age etc. Writing something like: "I am a serious guy, looking for a blond haired woman, living in Pennsylvania, aged 30 - 42 years. I love children so it doesn’t bother me if you are a mother." you will make all the difference. All women that accomplish these criteria will stop browsing another profiles thinking: "Wow, he is looking for me. I am the best for him". You can say something about you too, but something positive and interesting. Something that would make her STOP searching. "I want three things in my life: to love, to be loved and a real family." Keep in mind that it is more important what you are looking for than who you are. It is sad but true (excepting if you are a doomy, alcoholic, unclean, crazy guy). So, improve your profile today if you want a full of messages inbox, tomorrow! About Author About the Author: © By: Ovi Dogar eBridex.com is the largest database of romanian women

You may think that women want someone who is buffed and tanned and looks like a bodybuilder model from GQ. Those things are nice and yes we like to look at those guys, but just like you don’t need for us to look like Victoria Secret models we don’t require it in our man. OK. The 13 most important qualities that women look for in a man are: 1. Honesty 2. Intelligence 3. Nice Smile 4. Sense of Humor 5. Manners 6. Sensitivity 7. Sincerity 8. Gainfully employed 9. Has own place 10. Owns a car 11. Affectionate 12. Considerate 13. Thoughtful OK. First things first. Honesty is the NUMBER ONE trait that women look for in a man. That doesn’t mean to be brutally honest and tell her she looks fat. (Never do that) but we want to know that we can trust that what you are telling us is the truth. If you’ve lied in the past it will be a very cold day in Hell before she trusts you again. And she may want to check your phone messages and read your email and call you 10 times a day to feel secure that you’re trustworthy again. You may not like that but if you lie it may be the price you have to pay. Intelligence: Women want to feel safe and protected and we want our men to be smart. Maybe even smarter than us. Women feel that your brain is your sexiest organ. So dazzle us with your brain and you will be surprised how stimulated we become. Kick her ass at “Jeopardy” and watch what happens. Smile: We love your smile. We can’t get enough of it. It makes us want to touch you and kiss you. So brush and floss and see your dentist and keep your mouth kissably fresh. Sense of Humor: If you can keep us laughing you are golden. We love to laugh and we love a man who can make us laugh. This goes back to the smart thing as well. You have to be smart to be humorous. We like a man who’s humor challenges us. Leave that 3 Stooges stuff for the guys. Women don’t appreciate 12 year old juvenile humor. Manners: Little things like manners are very important. Women don’t want their man to drive up and reach over from the driver’s seat and open the passenger door or just wait for us to open the door. A little old fashioned chivalry goes a long way. Escort the lady to the car and open the door for her. We love to be treated like queens. It makes us feel like you think we’re special. And hopefully you do think she’s special. We love a man with manners. We know we can take him home and our parents will love him. We don’t want to have to worry about what you might do or say. We want to be with a man not a boy. That means no farting, belching, toe or nose picking, spitting, or smacking your lips when you eat. We want to know we can take you in public and we won’t be embarrassed. And don’t forget we also like to show you off to our girlfriends and we want them to approve. You want the girlfriends to think you’re a “Keeper”. Sensitive: That whole thing about being “Sensitive” and getting in touch with your “Feminine Side” are all very true. A woman is waaaay more attracted to a man who isn’t afraid to show his feelings and be gentle and sensitive. We actually think that makes you more manly. A man who clams up and thinks being macho is what we want is very wrong. One of the things that is extremely attractive to a woman is when it’s obvious that you are attracted to us. There is nothing hotter than seeing how much we turn you on. Don’t be afraid to show that. But of course there are limits and this can easily be overdone. Be careful about showing things like that at work or you might find yourself in a sexual harassment situation. And if you decide to try to tip your hand to a woman and show your interest, remember to keep it subtle. No woman likes a STALKER or a HORNDOG! We love to know that we are getting to you, but not in an obnoxious way. You may have to make some changes in your behavior. But of course, they’ll be changes for the better and you will most likely be happier for it. Sincerity: This is a little like honesty, but what I mean is if you need to change some of your behaviors to be more attractive to women then don’t just do it to get the girl. This is something that has to be real. If you think that’s not you, then maybe you should think about making a change. You can decide you don’t want to change, that you like yourself the way you are, but if that was working for you then you probably wouldn’t be reading this article. You were drawn to this piece because you must truly want to know how to be better with women and if you sincerely do then you may need to take an honest look at yourself and decide what you want because it has to be real. Employed: OK. This is a no-brainer, but truthfully there are some men out there without jobs that think they can get all the women they want. I have no idea what makes them think that, but their egos are on overtime. Women need security and we want a man who can provide for us. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to work, but it does mean that we want to know that you are a responsible MAN. Has Own Place: OK. Matthew McConaughey was really cute in Failure to Launch but that was a comedy. Seriously we don’t want to have a sleepover at your Mom’s house. Having your own place just shows us again that you are a responsible adult. And it does help if your place is decorated nicely. I don’t mean you have to hire a decorator, but we’re not drawn to frathouse chic. Impress us with your style. Again we want MEN not BOYS! Has Own Car: This may not be important if you live in New York or in a place where the public transportation makes owning a car unnecessary but in most of the world you need a car to pick up your date and take her out. It is important to mention here that even though we love luxury cars we don’t need that in our man. Women love men with all kinds of cars, but FYI keep your car clean (especially the inside). Nothing says SLOB more than a dirty car. Take out the fast food wrappers and keep it neat and smelling nice. Affectionate: We really do love to touch and be touched. And I am not talking sexually here. But try holding her hand when she’s not expecting it or gently rubbing her back. Little touchy things like that mean a lot. Rub her arm when you’re reading the paper or do little things like foot and hand massages. Women love that. Be Considerate: We appreciate the little things like holding a door open or not walking ahead of us. If we’re sleeping make sure you turn out the light when you leave. Show her you care by picking up after yourself. When you get some dessert out of the fridge ask if she’d like some or make sure you leave some for her. Just basic consideration is so important to us. Thoughtfullness: This may sound like consideration, but it goes a little further. Being thoughtful of her needs goes a long way. Maybe give her a call from work just to see how she’s doing. While we love that we don’t want to be smothered with a bunch of calls all day long. Bring something home for her when you go to the store, like some fresh flowers (I know that’s cliché, but that’s because it works) or maybe some of her favorite ice cream…just because. This shows us that you are thinking of us and that makes us feel important and special. Those 2 words important and special should be burned into your brain. If you can always make a woman feel important and special you will be an irrisistable Chick Magnet. About Author Patti Oar is a freelance writer and self-described relationship expert. (OK, no laughing here) She loves to talk about anything and everything. See more of her musings here: http://pattioar.com

In life one meets and makes many friends. Some remain acquaintances with whom we share pleasantries. Childhood friends mature and remain for life or are not traceable. Fair weather friends are the ones with whom we can party or watch a movie, exactly for the sake of company. True friendship proves for itself with life's situations. One can make friends at any age. Marriage too is about friendship and so is rearing kids. Ever felt that sudden desire to call your best friend to tell him/her about the new child in the family? Did you felt better after crying over the phone and talking to your friend about some silly problem? Elated feelings and sadness needs to be shared. A friend corrects you when you wear the wrong make up, compliments you at that writing skill you have, encourages you when you try out a recipe (ignoring the excess salt) , cares for you by walking the extra mile, takes you to a movie sensing you are amiss and is strict with you when you go overboard. These are the tests of friendship. As you sit in solitude, look at your fingers and count your friends, you will be amazed to find only a few. Friendship does not restrict itself to rules of gender, age, class or distance. The inclination to communicate is essential. Holding grudges and taking pot shots only spoils a friendship. One also needs to be magnanimous by accepting the short comings of a friend. This is a major adjustment and accepts a friend as he is. Suggest but do not expect him to comply with your standards. There is only failure when one tries to be a please-all. Compromise but also effectively clarify. When one projects an unfazed exterior and in mind goes through a gamut of negative feelings, that friendship will be short-lived. Not by money, looks or time, but by truth is what friendship grows. In present times where one is exulted by career progress naturally there occurs a paucity of time. Excuses stem from this and many a friendship silently die. The ultimate aim of life is to be 'happy' and materialistic products offer very short shelf-life. Make time for a pet, your child, your spouse, and never forget to make a friend feel special. You may have missed the birthday but be there for a friend when the path is not even. Giving a shoulder to cry on is a temporary support, Be solid like a rock to tide away the storms that test your friendship.

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues. This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching. Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better" I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt. I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more. So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response. Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it. When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice. We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin. A good lesson to learn, even for the experts... About Author Wayne Boyd has written several different articles pertaining to different subjects. He is married with 4 kids and 3 grandkids. He is a Christian and loves spending time with his family. Especially the grandkids. More information and answers on Communication Breakdown can be found at: http://www.squidoo.com/howtosavemymarriagetoday

The reproductive age woman category, now that's the ones -if she's trying to get pregnant, then obviously she's not on any kind of birth control and most likely they're functional. What do you do? Well you can watch them month to month, and if they resolve, which most of them will, the problem is gone. If such a cyst grows or causes more problems, then she should also have a laparotomy. Now, if that woman - well, the other way is of course, many of these women you’d say listen, what we need to do is put you on a short course of birth control pills to see if the cysts stop forming. Birth control pills, the way they work, is they, they work on the complex mechanism that regulates ovulation, interrupting all those pathways that I briefly described earlier and that complex pathway interrupted, no more ovulation occurs, no more functional cysts occur. And the cyst that was there will most likely resolve because of less feedback from the other hormones so birth control pills in a way you could say could cure cysts. But these are the cysts- That may not always be an option for some women that have problems with birth control pills or other side effects. For those women, those group of women who cannot take birth control pills. If for whatever reason, and there's a litany we won't get into here of women who cannot take the pill for one reason or the other, then it would be expected management, that's basically just watching and seeing, cause most of these will go away within three menstrual cycles. If they do not, then, then most likely she's going to have a laparotomy. Obstetrician Gynecologist, Christopher Freville, recommends you could also do a laparoscopy. A laparoscopy again is a very common term, this is where a telescope like tube with a light on it is put in, the doctor is able to look through an incision in the naval, while of course I might add the patient is asleep and fully anesthetized, is able to look at the pelvic organs. But if the doctor sees a six-centimeter cyst, he is going to operate anyway, so most of the time that would be a procedure that would not have a purpose. She needs a laparotomy to make sure that this particular ovary cyst isn't one of the other cysts, of course the endometriomas, the sustatnomas, the dermoid cysts, the polycystic ovaries, which usually aren't going to show up as large cysts. And of course, the last category is the rarer cystic tumor that would be cancerous. So, the management basically is one of just, in most women is, in the reproductive age group is going to be wait and see. You know, reassurance, come back in a month. You can take, if the cyst goes away, great, if it doesn't or if it slowly resolves fine, if it doesn't go away, you can offer a course of birth control pills. If that's not acceptable or not possible, then the last way is to of course to actually take a look through an incision, a laparotomy. And that I think that pretty much sums up the actual treatment of cysts, at least as far as a diagnostic program. There are other treatments of cysts, and I will mention these each by the category. So we got a functional cyst that are self-resolving or you're going to use birth control pills. We've got the endometriomas which begin the endometriosis on the ovary. This is a case that needs to be treated with various medications. There are medications to suppress ovulations, stop the period which burns up in the endometriosis and it's generally about 90% effective, and also causes fertility when you get these to go away. So the chocolate cysts once they are, they're usually removed at laparotomy, you can also cauterize them, that's zapping them with electricity. Again, the patient is asleep because the endometriomas and endometriosis are usually multiple places in the pelvis, and then follow up with medications to suppress ovulation. About Author Hillary Templeton gives advice to women of all types of ovarian cysts on her website. Click here for more information on ruptured ovarian cysts http://www.ovariancystshelp.com

There are many ways guys can attract girls but how many of them really work and work successfully to get you the results that you want. Here are 3 unique ways in which you can attract girls with. 1. Understanding Woman's Mentality Women choose their mates based hugely on a subconscious level that the guy has met her criteria. And women are biologically programmed to find men who can bear them healthy children and also to protect their offspring and her from any dangers. This means that strong, confident men are the most attractive to them because the guy can give off a sense of power and competence. On the contrary, nice guys and needy men who let women walk all over them are not attractive to women at all. So in order for you to attract girls, you need to become like that - strong, confident and competent. You will become the alpha male in summary. 2. Attractive Social Proof to Women Social proof is another great example that you can use on women. As more and more women are doing the same thing, more women will follow suit as they deemed it as fashionable. So all you need to do is to tap into this trend. Be friendlier. Talk more to the opposite sex. Flirt with them, date more of them out and sleep with. Soon, you will be the talk of the town and many women will be attracted to check you out. Therefore, you will have more chance that women are chasing after you rather than vice versa. 3. Using Pheromones as a Weapon One of the ways guys can attract girls is actually by the use of pheromones. Pheromones are in fact found in our body and their function is to attract the opposite sex. However, due to our constant cleaning of our bodies such as bathing and putting on colognes, it has substantially reduced the pheromones level in our body. Thus, I highly suggest that you put on specialized pheromones colognes instead to greatly increase the concentration in your body. Personally, I had great results in nightclubs when I used them. Sometimes, as many as 30 women and I mean beautiful women approached me for many reasons. Some ask if I want a drink, others asked if I want to get laid. These are the 3 unique ways guys can attract girls that have worked successfully for many people. If you follow them diligently, you will definitely improve your love life. But if you are trying to find the specialized pheromones colognes, I highly suggest that you check out Pheromone Aroma.com which has the pure concentrate which works for me successfully.

Men often times have difficulties in engaging a conversation with a woman regarding the subject of introducing the sexual element on a date without the fear of being rejected. Some men have no idea at all how to flirt with women and be successful flirting with them. Men do not understand that, that is because you just really do not talk about it. What really does the trick is the old time saying, "Actions speak louder than words". You will have to introduce the sexual element of the game very subtly in your interactions with your date and slowly escalating it as the night progress. By doing this, she will not interpret it in a threatening way and she will relax. Eventually, your date will let her guard down because she feels safe that you are not forcing anything. Balance your naughtiness with your trustworthiness. Projecting your male sexuality and showing that you are confident and comfortable with it would send out a strong message to her without you having to talk about it. Women sense every detail of you wanting her, believe me, they do. They are very receptive to all kinds of emotions so be sure to send out the right emotions otherwise, you will receive the wrong reply. Generally, women are more receptive with what you do, your body language would be the major factor on your success for the night so you won't have to go home frustrated like most of the nights before. Women will pick up what you do more than what you say to them. Let your voice and your gestures tell her that she is sexy, beautiful, you think she is hot, you want her, and you want to make love with her, without you actually having to say anything. Keep everything light, playful and pleasurably naughty. Then while you are flirting and sending out all these messages to her, and she reciprocates with her body language, flirts back and plays along - you will know that the game is on. You can now take your moves farther without being rejected. Knowing how to flirt with women, you will never have to go home frustrated anymore.

A

AC/DC
Person who enjoys both same sex and opposite sex sexual activity;
(Bi:Bisexual.)

ADULT
Euphemism for pornographic.

ALL CULTURES
Person or couple who enjoys all fetishes and sexual activities (see CULTURE)

ANAL
Anal intercourse; Greek; Greek Culture.

ANIMAL TRAINING
Sexual activity with animals usually dogs and women; Bestiality

ARTS
Euphemism for fetishes; Cultures

B

B&D
Bondage and discipline < (see BONDAGE, DISCIPLINE)

BESTIALITY
(see ANIMAL TRAINING)

BI
Bisexual: Versatile (see AC/DC)

BIZARRE
Unusual sexual desires; Way out

BONDAGE
A sexual fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner. The person doing the binding is considered "dominant" while the person being bound is considered "submissive."

C

CAN ENTERTAIN
Advertiser willing to invite others to their home for swinging.

CAN TRAVEL
Advertiser will travel to your home to swing.

CANING
A spanking fetish employing a light cane usually bamboo or other light wood

CHEATING
Sexual activity with others without spouse`s knowledge and consent

CLEAN
Hygienic; Free of sexually transmitted diseases

CLOSED DOOR
(see CLOSED SWINGING)

CLOSED SWINGING
Sexual interaction among couples using separate rooms so that partners of a marriage or other intimate relationship do not visually observe each other`s swinging. The rooms are almost ways in the same house

CLOSET SWINGER
A person who hides the he/she is a swinger.

COUPLE
In swinging, a man and a woman. May be married, living together (cohabitating), committed (on going relationship) or a single couple dating for swinging purposes; CPL

CPL
Couple

CULTURE
Euphemism for Fetish, Arts?

CUNNILINGUS
Stimulation of the vagina and clitoris by the mouth especially the tongue and lips, and sometimes the teeth (see FRENCH CULTURE)

D

DILDO
An artificial penis, usually made of rubber or plastic, for sexual stimulation of the vagina and sometimes the anus

DIRECTOR
The term used to describe the principal person who runs or otherwise operates a swing club, generally the owner. A person who works for the director and is responsible for party or club operation whether or not for pay, is generally call a Manager.

DISCIPLINE
A sexual fetish in which one partner dominates the other, a willing participant. Often includes physical punishment of the submissive partner, ranges from physical restraint to mild spankings to painful beatings

DISCRETION
Asking those who write or call to exercise caution so that children or others who may open mail or answer phone will not be offended and/or made aware of the swinging activity.

DOCILE
Willing to receive bondage and/or discipline (see SUBMISSIVE).

DOMESTIC TRAINING
Submissive obedience to household chores of an intimate and humiliating nature.

DOMINANT
The sexual partner in control of the willing submissive partner?

E

ENTERTAIN
(see CAN ENTERTAIN)?

EXHIBITIONIST
A person who is sexually stimulated by being seen or watched by others while showing sexual portions of the body or engaging in sexual acts.

ENGLISH CULTURE
Sexual stimulation from spanking or caning

F

F
Female

FELLATIO
Sexual stimulation of the penis by the mouth, especially by the tongue and lips and sometimes teeth.

FETISH
Sexual arousal and pleasure through use of non-sexual objects, actions or non-genital anatomy

FLAGELLATION
Sexual stimulation derived from pain, usually whipping or spanking

FUN AND GAMES
Euphemism for sexual activity

FRENCH CULTURE
Oral-genital sexual activity.

G

GREEK CULTURE
Anal-penile intercourse?

GAY
A homosexual person, male or female. A gay female may also be called a Lesbian.

GENEROUS
Refers to money for sex.

GROUP ROOM
Room set aside for group sex, generally furnished with wall-to-wall mattresses or pads. Term is prevalent in western US (see MATROOM).

GROUP SEX
Swinging; Social-sexual activity between three or more people.

GROWTH SWINGING
Social-sexual environment that promotes emotional, personal and social growth

H

HARD CORE
A swing party or swing engagement where sexual interaction is assumed and expected.

HARD SWINGING
(see HARD CORE)

HEAD
Oral-genital sexual activity; "Giving head"

HEDONIST
(Swinging) Euphemism for a swinger; Lives for pleasure.

HETEROSEXUAL
Sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex.

HOMOSEXUAL Sexual attraction to members of the same sex. (See GAY)

HORNY
Sexually tense; In need of sexual pleasure.

HUMANIST
Person who believes in human values, potential, self-respect of the individual, personal freedom and human rights.

HUNG
Refers to a man with a large penis.

I

INDOOR SPORTS
Swinging activities in general.

INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP
Seeks a swinging relationship that includes emotional and recreational values. Used chiefly in personal ads and letters in answer to personal ads

J

K

L

LEATHER
A fetish; Sexual stimulation through the wearing of leather garments.?

LESBIAN
A woman sexually and emotionally attracted to other women (see GAY)

M

MARITAL AIDS
Dildos, vibrators, and other devices used for sexual pleasure of self and others.

MASOCHISM
Sexual gratification through receiving pain and humiliation from others.?

MASTER/SLAVE
Participants in a bondage and discipline sexual relationship (see B&D, BONDAGE, DISCIPLINE)

MATROOM
Room set aside for group sex. Principally an eastern US term (see GROUP ROOM).

MEET FOR PLEASURE
Will meet for swinging sex; no pretense for social or emotional interaction not directly related to sexual activity. Used chiefly in personal ads and letters in answer to personal ads.

MENAGE A` TROIS
Three people, two of one sex, one of the opposite sex in a swinging interaction. May involve an on-going emotional relationship of the participants. {see THREESOME, TRIAD)

MORESOMES
More than three people in a swinging interaction.?

N

NEWCOMERS
New people in swinging; First-timers

NONSMOKER
Does not smoke. If used in personal ad means only those who do not smoke are sought for swinging purposes.

O

OPEN DOOR
(see OPEN SWINGING)

OPEN SWINGING
A couple swinging with another couple in the same room; Several or all participating couples together in the same room; (Western U S ) swing party where participants socially mix and are free to swing as couples, in one-to-one pairings and group sex during the progress of the party.

ORAL-GENITAL
(see CUNNILINGUS, FELLATIO, HEAD)

ORGY
Sexual interaction among several men and women in the same room; group sex?

P

PARTY
Gathering of three or more people of both sexes for swinging.

PARTY CLOTHES
Clothing particularly adapted for swing party wear, Includes wear to the party and wear to change into during the party The latter includes robes, lingerie, terry cloth wrap-arounds and other simple wear that is easily removed, shows the wearer to best advantage and often makes selected parts of the body easily available for erotic courting and play.

PARTY HOUSE
(Western US ) A non-membership swing club offering a regular schedule of on-premise swing parties.

PASSIVE
Quiet, submissive non-contributor, willing to receive corrective training. Docile and submissive in swinging (see DISCIPLINE)

PHOTO
Interested in exchange of nude or sexually explicit photos of self with similar photos of others.

PHOTOGRAPHY
Interested in exchange and/or making of nude or sexually explicit photographs, color slides or movies with similar photographs, slides or movies of others; interested in meeting with others for the making of these photographs.

P/P
Photo and phone number (used in personal ads).

PRO
Professional; i.e. prostitutes or paid escorts.

Q

R

RECREATIONAL SWINGER
A person who practices swinging primary as a recreational diversion with no desire for emotional attachment.

RESTRAINT
Mild bondage used in sexual fantasy enactments.?

ROMAN
Group sex, orgies, the party scene, etc. (see CULTURE, ROMAN)

RUBBER
Condom means of contraception; sexual stimulation through the look, feel and smell of rubber, usually associated with B&D.

ROMAN CULTURE
Sexual orgies

S

SWEDISH CULTURE
Use of the hands especially in massage to sexually stimulate another

SAFE
Used to describe a person who cannot conceive or impregnate; a man who has had a vasectomy.

S.A.S.E.
Self-addressed stamped envelope.

SGL
Single person.

S&M
Sadism and Masochism (see SADISM, MASOCHISM).

SINGLE
A swinger without a partner, single or married.

SOCIAL
A party, dance or other gathering usually sponsored by a swing club or magazine, for swingers to meet and socialize. There is no swinging at a social but privately arranged swinging may follow a social.

SOCIAL SWING CLUB
A swing club, generally private membership that offers social and swinging activities including a regular schedule of on-premise swing parties. They may also offer educational and travel activities. Usually there is a membership fee and either party fees, party donations or a regular maintenance fee or dues. Party attendance may be restricted to couples though the marital status of the couple is rarely important.

SOFT SWINGING
A social, erotic swing party environment where sexual activity is common and available, but not required or assumed. Sometimes used to describe swapping up to, but not including intercourse. The term developed in Southern California in the early 1970`s (see HARD SWINGING, HARD CORE).

S.T.D. or STD
Sexually transmitted disease. A term developed in the late 1970`s to replace VD as the latter carried social and moral implications in the minds of many. These social and moral implications interfered with the legitimate treatment of sexually transmitted diseases as a medical problem.

STR or STR8
(see STRAIGHT)

STRAIGHT
Non-swinger; A Swinger who is not interested in same sex sexual activity; A person who does not use drugs.

SWAPPING
Two couples exchanging partners for sexual activity.

SWING MAGAZINE
A periodical catering to the swinging community. Usually carries personal ads of people wishing to meet others for swinging purposes. May also publish articles of general interest to the swinging community.

SWINGING
Social-sexual relational recreation among men and women. It is a couple oriented activity but single men and women sometimes are involved.

SWINGING LIFESTYLE
Style of living with swinging a major component in recreation, choice of friends, business and social life, and intimate relationships.

SWINGING MARRIAGE
Marriage incorporating swinging and often, humanistic ideals.

SUBMISSIVE
(see PASSIVE)

T

THREESOME
Three people, two of one sex and one of the other in a swinging encounter. Not the same as a "menage a` trois" in that the latter may involve emotional involvement and a continuing relationship.

TICKET
A person, usually a woman, brought to a swing party solely to enable the man to gain entrance. The ticket generally has no intention to swing or is not free to swing.

TOYS
Sexual aids (see MARITAL AIDS)

TRAVEL
(see CAN TRAVEL)

TRIAD
Three people, two of one sex and one of the other in a continuing relationship of emotional and sexual involvement. Not the same as a threesome.

TRIOLISM
Used in personal ads to indicate desire for "threesomes". This is a common but confusing usage (see TRIAD)

TUBAL LIGATION
Surgical procedure of cutting and tying the fallopian tubes to make a woman infertile; A method of contraception. Also called a Band Aid Operation in reference to the small incision made just below the navel to enable the cutting and ligation.

U

UTOPIAN SWINGER
A person who practices swinging as a total lifestyle with humanistic ideals?

V

Vasectomy
Surgical procedure of cutting and tying the vas deferens to make a man infertile; A method of contraception.

VERSATILE
Bisexual. (see AC/DC)

VIBRATOR
Electrically run vibrating device for stimulation of the vagina by insertion or holding to outer lips, clitoris, breasts and the male penis. Some vibrators are penile shaped and are run by batteries while more expensive ones are for surface use and are run by an AC motor from a typical wall outlet. Vibrators are used by both men and women for self-stimulation and to sexually please another.

VOLUPTUOUS
Fullness of beauty and form; usually used to refer to a woman with large well-formed breasts; may also refer to full but well formed hips.

VOYEUR
A person who enjoys and is stimulated by watching others in sexual acts.

W

X

Z

List Courtesy of NASCA

swinger? (swngr)
n.
1. A person who engages freely in promiscuous sex.
2. A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges sexual partners.

Who or What is Swinging?

Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple." [1]

The phenomenon (or at least its wider discussion and practice) may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which has occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity possible due to safer sex practices that became prevalent during these same decades.

Swinging is sometimes called wife swapping, but this term is now considered relatively archaic, as it is androcentric and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities that swingers may take part in. A more common term amongst swingers is simply The Lifestyle, as it is becoming increasingly referred to in contemporary culture. Though there are certain key differences in the implication of the two terms, "The Lifestyle" and "swinging" will be used interchangeably within the scope of this article.

Activities
Swinging activities can include (but are not limited to):

Exhibitionism: having sex with a partner while being watched.
Voyeurism: watching others have sex (perhaps with the above mentioned partner).
Soft Swinging or Soft Swap: kissing, stroking, or having oral sex with a third or fourth person. This may be in the form of a threesome or group sex, or partners may literally be swapped.
Full Swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one`s partner, which is the commonly understood definition of swinging (though not necessarily the most common type).
Group Sex: An all inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity. Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages with either another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. These acts can occur in the same room (often called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. Sex on these occasions is often referred to as play.

While the vast majority of swingers are heterosexual couples, a major part of Lifestyle activities are bisexual in nature. A large portion of female swingers, while they may or may not identify as bisexual, are interested in female-female sexual contact. Male-male contact is very rare, and usually never allowed in at a Swing Club/Party.

Research
Some subjective scientific research into swinging has been conducted in the USA since the late 1960s. The most recent study, based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of lifestyle-related sites, found swingers are happier in their relationships than the norm.

60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship and only 1.7% said it made their relationship less happy. Half of those who rated their relationship very happy before becoming swingers maintained it had become even happier. 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them.
Almost 70% of swingers claimed no problem with controlling jealousy, around a quarter admitted "I have difficulty controlling jealousy when swinging" to be somewhat true but only 6% said this was "Yes, Very Much" true.
Swingers rate themselves happier (59% against 32% very happy) and their lives much more exciting (76% against 54% exciting) than does the rest of the population, by surprisingly large margins.
There was no difference between the responses of men and women, although more males (70%) than females completed the survey. [1] This study, while enlightening, is of limited accuracy of the swinging population as a whole, due to its self-selected sampling technique. Internet-based sampling procedures create a substantial potential for bias. It is likely that those swinging couples who had stronger relationships were more motivated to complete the questionnaire. Alternatively, the stress that swinging may place on a marriage means that only those with higher than average levels of commitment to their partners are able to remain married whilst swinging. Couples that have jealousy or strife issues caused by swinging will not usually stay in the swinging lifestyle and thus would have been unlikely to respond.

ABC News reporter John Stossel produced an investigative report into the lifestyle. Stossel reported that over 4 million people are swingers, according to estimates by the Kinsey Institute and other researchers. He also cited Terry Goulds research, in which Gould concluded that couples swing in order to not cheat on their partners. ?When Stossel asked swinging couples whether they worry that their spouse will find they like someone else better, one male interviewee replied, People in the swinging community swing for a reason. They do not swing to go out and find a new wife; while a woman interviewee asserted, It makes women more confident -- that they are the ones in charge. Stossel interviewed 12 marriage counselors about the lifestyle. According to Stossel, not one of them said do not?do it, though some also said getting sexual thrills outside of marriage can threaten a marriage. Nevertheless, the swingers whom Stossel interviewed claimed that their marriages are stronger because they do not have affairs and they do not?lie to each other.[3]

Organizations
Certain Lifestyle activities are highly organized. There are over 3,000 swinging clubs worldwide. Most major cities in North America and western Europe have at least one swingers club in a permanent location although they often keep a low profile to avoid negative attention. Swingers also meet through lifestyle magazines, adult swinger personal ads, swinging house parties, and swinger Internet sites.

Swinger Clubs can refer to a physical location or building. In this context, clubs are typically divided into on-premise clubs, where sexual activity may happen then and there at the club, and off-premise clubs where sexual activity is not allowed at the club, but may be arranged at a near-by location Clubs also may refer to the group that organizes the Lifestyle-related events in a particular area.

In the USA, many swinging clubs follow a bar or nightclub format, sometimes renting an entire existing bar for scheduled events, frequently termed a venue takeover. This is normally done to avoid interaction with non-Lifestyle segments of the population, and once again to avoid unwanted negative attention. This often relegates these activities to suburbia on the weekend, where bars in large industrial parks which attract a mainstream clientele during weekdays would otherwise sit empty or closed on weekends when offices shut down. On-premise clubs usually have a similar format. One notable exception to this is that most on-premise clubs do not serve alcohol, asking participants instead to bring their own because of the restrictive laws commonly in place regarding sexual activity and the presence of alcoholic beverages. Concordantly, the vast majority of swinging clubs do not advertise as such due to the strict moral climate in the United States. Another format is the swinger party. Usually in a home where parking may require a shuttle from another location if the home resides within a suburban area. A home that is usually suitable may have a hot tub, a pool, several bedrooms, and an assortment of sex furniture such as a sex swing, a stripper pole, a dance floor, or a BDSM dungeon. Within the party atmosphere condoms, lube and breath mints may be readily available throughout the house. Sometimes the host may hold events such as a striptease or dance contest, a flogging or other BDSM demonstration.

On-premise clubs and the majority of swinging venues allow sexual contact and serve alcohol. There are hree standard formats: the bar/nightclub, usually smaller, in city centres and focused around a dance floor; the spa format which has pools, Jacuzzis, saunas and steam rooms and where people strip on entry; and the country club format, which is out-of-town, usually serves a free buffet and may include elements of the first two as well as offering large play spaces.

A large amount of swinging activity is organised via the Internet, where there are countless different swinger sites with adult personals, listings and local information. To many couples, the swinging lifestyle and the swinger clubs can be as much a social venue as a sexual one. Like many sexual sub-cultures, there can be very much a community atmosphere, and the greater communication allowed by the Internet has fostered this sense.

Etiquette
The prime directive in swinging is no means no. This means that rejection of a sexual advance does not require justification and must always be respected. Respect for one`s play partners is often a hallmark of swinging activity, and violation of this directive can result in immediate expulsion.

Many swingers who participate in penetrative sex while swinging are strict about condom usage, including insisting on changing condoms between partners. However, some members of the swinging community do engage in unprotected sex, in a practice that is commonly known as barebacking. When unsure, it is considered a polite necessity to establish these ground rules before becoming sexually involved.

Some believe that actions such as a woman being flirtatious while their significant other is present, men who offer their wives to dance or couples entering a bar separately and spending the evening apart are ways to tell if a couple swings. Obviously, these signs, both subtle and overt, are difficult to perceive, and swingers are often averse to identifying themselves in public. The growth of many swinging web sites on the Internet is partly due to this, allowing swingers to communicate and meet without public attention or the risk of offending non-swingers.

Subgroups

Bisexuality
Female bisexuality and bicurious is extremely common in both the urban and traditional swinging scene and tends to be the norm amongst participants.[4] No studies have been conducted as to what percentage of swinging women who define themselves as bisexual would be open to romantic as well as sexual relations with both genders.

Male bisexuality is less common in the swinging scene, but is becoming more common and more accepted. [citation needed] More openly bi men and bisexual couples (male-female couples where both partners are bisexual) are appearing on the scene. Whether this is due to increasing acceptance in the scene or greater numbers of men turning bi is open to discussion. Depending on the club or social situation, male bisexuality among swingers may either be frowned upon, or openly accepted.

Hot Wife
The term hot wife refers to a married woman who has sex with men other than her spouse with her spouses consent. In most cases the husbands of these women will enjoy watching, hearing, or knowing about their wives adventures. Often the husbands take part, sometimes by engaging in a threesome, or sometimes just arranging dates for their wives.

Polyamory
Polyamory specifically refers to individuals who sustain multiple emotional relationships with other individuals. This allows for some overlap within the swinging community. Polyamorists may engage in activity common to swingers such as group sex and partner swapping. Swingers, through extended sexual engagements with the same partners, may also develop strong friendships with these partners. Deeper emotional relationships, however, are not the norm and are considered a rarity.

Selective swinging
Traditionally swinger clubs are accepting of all ages and body types, and the average age of swingers at events tends to be around 45. Younger swingers who wish to swing with their own age group find that this isn`t always possible in swinging clubs.

Many organizations try to elevate themselves from historic swinging clubs by hosting their events in upmarket venues, serving Champagne or cocktails and asking their guests to dress in smart evening attire. Entry to these parties is often competitive and photographs are usually required to demonstrate attractiveness This, more than anything else, has given rise to the term The Lifestyle as a way to encompass all swinging activities, due to the fact that younger couples are somewhat averse to the term "swingers" because of its traditional connotations.

Selective swinging events include mostly childless, unmarried young graduates and can have average ages as low as the late 20s, whereas traditional swingers events tend to have average ages in the 40s. Selective parties are often referred to as exclusive or elitist.

Another factor contributing to this situation is the continued upsurge in growth of Lifestyle-oriented Internet sites. These sites provide much more accessible gateways into Lifestyle activities for people who are curious about swinging. By offering greater flexibility when searching for potential playmates, it becomes possible to look for playmates that specifically match certain characteristics, including location, looks, wealth, and age. In the United States, it is still uncommon to find parties where stringent age requirements are in affect, and most groups remain non-discriminatory. However, the acceptance of elite parties continues to be more common, with couples and single females becoming more and more willing to pay an additional premium to spend time with only a select segment of the swinging population.

The critique of selective swinging among traditional swingers is that it is unethical to discriminate. The growing upsurge interest in selective swinging has given rise to a growing rift between the two groups. Couples who identify with traditional swinging may advertise themselves as not Ken and Barbie as an implicit rejection of what they perceive to be a superficial ideal of youthful physical attractiveness.

Singles
The acceptance of singles at swinging events varies from geographic area to geographic area. Some swinging clubs have a policy of allowing only couples and females, but most do allow single men on selected nights. Single females are often admitted at reduced admission price. Parties and private events may differ, however, and are often restricted to couples or couples and single females only.

The reasons for this vary. Most (but certainly not all) of the people who pay to participate in swinger events are male-female couples and most swinging couples are more interested in interacting with other couples or with single women than with single men. Thus, swinger events strive to achieve a balance between male and female participants or have a (usually slightly) larger number of females than males.

A common complaint among swingers is that single men change the tone and nature of event. While outright hostility towards single men is rarely prevalent, an abundance of single males is rarely looked upon favourably in any swinging context. When single males are permitted their numbers are usually limited by high entrance fees or stringent membership requirements.

Some swingers oppose the involvement of any singles of either sex in swinging because of the fear that they might split existing couples While this might be a fear of some new couples, couples who have been part of the Lifestyle for some time report that the only way a couple can "split" is when one of the couple is looking outside the primary relationship. This is not the norm in a swinger relationship.

Q. We would like to attend a Swingers Club, but we do not want to have sex with just anyone or be pressured into doing anything we do not feel comfortable with. Do we have to participate if we do not want to?

A. Absolutely NOT. Check with the club owner. Also, most have websites where you can gather information. They should all have a set of rules or codes of conduct. The #1 Rule should be No means No. If it is not the #1 Rule at any swingers club you are looking to attend, we would not recommend you go there.

Q. There seem to be a lot of swingers websites out there for finding other swingers. Do you recommend one over all others?

A. There are quite a few websites that promote the Lifestyle, and make it possible to meet other like minded people. Some of the best are nationwide, but there are also regional and local sites that focus on a particular part of the country. You should be able to find a site that makes you feel comfortable. CLUBSERENITY is an amazing national swingers website with active swingers from around the country.

Q: Our marriage is in trouble. Will swinging help save our marriage?

A: No, and that is a common misconception. In fact, if you do not have a stable, loving, trusting relationship, you should not try swinging at all. When you first start out, both of you may experience a range of emotions, including jealousy and doubt. One partner may wonder why the other feels the need to have sexual relations with someone else in the first place. You MUST be able to openly and honestly communicate these feelings, and discuss them with your partner. Troubled marriages rarely have these traits, which may be one reason why there is trouble. Do not try swinging uless there is an open line of communication between you both.

Q. How do we go about meeting other swingers?

A. There are many ways to meet other like-minded couples and singles who are also interested in the lifestyle. Before the Internet became so prevalent, swinger personal ads were placed in newspapers and specialty publications. Now, there are several online sites, such as CLUBSERENITY. On CLUBSERENITY, you can create a profile, then search other profiles for compatible couples and singles. Most sites allow for FREE a trial membership, but paid members are offered many more features and privileges. ClubSerenity hosts Meet and Greets at various clubs which allow you to meet others, usually in a public place.

Swinger Clubs are another great way to meet couples. Not all clubs allow single men. The club settings are generally more private. Depending on the laws of a given locality or State, sexual contact is usually not permitted at Off Premise clubs. Liquor Laws also have an impact on this. On Premise clubs usually allow, even encourage, sexual activity where as Off Premise Clubs tend to be for those looking to dance and meet other swingers with no pressure to hook up.

Q. How do you tell people that you are not interested in them?

A. This can be a difficult thing to do. No one wants to hurt anyones feelings, and in general, most people just do not like to be the rejector or the rejectee.

The best way to do it is to be straight forward about it, and tell them right away. It is like pulling off a bandage, do it quickly, because it might hurt initially, but that goes away pretty soon. Be honest, but be nice. If there is no attraction, say so. You do not have to be too specific, as in, I like your wife, but my wife is not attracted to you. If the other couple asks why, well, then perhaps you should let them know, but again, be nice Swingers are usually a tight not group and all truly understand how to respect others feelings.

We have met hundreds of wonderful swing couples in this Lifestyle. Many of them have become lifelong friends, but we have played with few of those friends. Sometimes, one of us was not attracted to the opposite of the other couple. Sometimes, neither of us was attracted to either of them. Sometimes, one or both of them was not attracted to us. But we liked them and enjoyed spending time with them, so we remained friends. Not everybody is willing to do that. Once rejected, some people become defensive, which can be a natural response.

One of the great things about most of the people in the Lifestyle is that they are open and honest with other Lifestyle couples. To continue that, it is best that you be open and honest with all couples you meet. Have fun with The Lifestyle and try not to make it too complicated.

Q. You talk a lot about couples. Are singles allowed to participate?

A. Oh yes, singles are welcome, and in many cases, can enhance the experience. Single women in particular are in high demand. On the other hand, single men are not always welcome at all Lifestyle events Single men tend to make others feel uncomfortable and you will rarely find any swingers parties that allow single men in for that reason alone Many couples tend to look for another female to share a threesome experience with.

Q. Why the reluctance to include single men?

A. There are several reasons for this. One is that some men are not comfortable with just another man being involved with his partner, if he has no one to play with. Another reason is that some women are not comfortable with the idea of an unmarried man being with them. They are only interested in a shared experience with their partner.

Probably the biggest reason is that there are too many single men that just do not understand what the Lifestyle is all about, and think of it as a free for all, or a sex smorgasbord. Those single men tend to be aggressive in pursuing women, and often do not show the kind of respect that women want and deserve whcih can lead to a very unpleasant situation.

Now, not all single men are like this. They DO show women respect, and just as importantly, they show respect to the male half, as well. Unfortunately, the bad ones have made it much harder for the good ones to hook up with couples. Many Lifestyle events exclude single men. Others allow them only if escorted by a couple, and the couple is responsible for the single males behavior.

Q. What is this bi curious thing?

A. A lot of people come into the Lifestyle because they have had certain feelings or fantasies and they want to explore them. Some of those may include have some form of sexual relations with the same sex. Most people who refer to themselves as bi curious want to try it, but have not done so yet. Some people keep the designation if they have tried it, liked it, would do it again, but still prefer the opposite sex.

Those that refer to themselves as bi, prefer to have sexual relations with the same sex. They will have sex with the opposite sex. In fact, many are in a conventional marriage, but when they play, they play with the same sex. Most times new couples or singles looking to get involved with swinging will say they are bi curious as a way to slowly dip their foot into the water so to speak with no major expectations from those they choose to meet and play with.

It is best to be respectful of everyones limits, and to discuss before beginning any sexual contact. That way, there will not be any unpleasant surprises.

Q. We would like to get into this lifestyle, but are afraid of family and friends finding out. How do we protect ourselves?

A. There are no 100% sure fire ways of protecting your identity. Afterall, the act of meeting someone in and of itself exposes you. Fortunately, 99.9% of the people in the Lifestyle feel the same way as you do, and will guard your secret in return for you guarding theirs. If those who enjoy meeting and playing with trust the fact you will keep your encounters together private it will make all feel more comfortable in the long run.

If you create a profile on one of the many swinger sites, like CLUBSERENITY, you do not have to post any pictures if you choose not to. You can also post pictures, but limit who can see them, as well as, post them in a Private Section that only you can grant another member access to see. We recommend that tactic, as most people will want to see at least a face picture before meeting. Many people use assumed names, assumed towns, and unfortunately, even assumed ages, to help protect their identity. We do not encourage lying about your age. The rest is fine, as long as you fess up about the truth if you click with the other couple.

Q. Do you have to become a member?

A.Yes but, either way, they only request basic information. Enter enough information so that you will attract interest. Empty or partial profiles get little attention, especially from seasoned swingers so make sure to fill out as much detail as possible so you get noticed by other members.

Q. What is the difference between Soft Swap and Full Swap?

A. It is important that you understand the differences between these terms, as it will impact who is willing to be with you.

Soft Swap basically means that you will not have intercourse with the other couple. However, there are still limits as to how far some people will go. There are those that feel that kissing is too intimate, but oral sex is OK so you should just ask the other couple how they feel. Others allow touching, but no oral. You absolutely must establish what you are comfortable with, and find out what the other couple is willing to do, way before you start to play. This will avoid hurt feelings and embarrassing moments and allow a more comfortable environment to play in.

Full Swap means that the man from one couple will have full intercourse with the woman from the other couple. It is very important that all parties involved understand that this is a potential outcome, should you get together with them. However, there is no guarantee that intercourse will happen when the playtime starts No still means No, and no one should ever be pushed into doing something they are not comfortable with. It doesn`t matter that someone may have consented one time. It is not a given that it will happen every time. Respect everyone`s wishes at all times.

Q. We are concerned about Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Is this activity safe?

A. Sexually Transmitted Diseases are a concern in any sexually active group. We recommend that Safe Sex be practiced at all times in the lifestyle community. It is very difficult to know the sexual history of people you meet. Therefore, it is not worth the risk. There are so many different condoms on the market now that do not detract for the sexual pleasure and experience, that it makes no sense not to use them.

Q. We are confused about on premise vs. off premise swingers clubs. Are on premise swingers clubs just orgies?

A. Off premise clubs are often held in a public place, and do not allow sexual contact. They may or may not allow partial nudity, meaning topless, and some oral sex. On premise swingers clubs are usually held at a private location, which could be a private club with the proper licenses or a private house also known as house parties. On premise swingers clubs could be orgies, but they rarely are, unless advertised as such. They are usually just a place where sexual contact is allowed and encouraged. Most still have rules which must be honored, and as always, No means No. We know of house parties where participation is expected, and you need to know that upfront. Some clubs make accommodations for voyeurism, some have private rooms, others have both, and others may have themed rooms for every type of swinger or fantasy.

Q. I have been trying for a month and a half to meet people on some swinger sites. I am a better than average looking guy, but I am not having any luck. Can you really meet people on sites such as CLUBSERENITY?

A. You should not expect to hook up with others so quickly, especially if you are a single guy interested in the lifestyle. It can sometimes take a while to weed through the fakes and picture traders. We find that single males who spend quality time in the swinger chat rooms are able to show that they are not creeps and rude, which can make them more attractive to others. Take your time, and let your personality come out. Ads without photos get no response and one line ads are so boring. Another thing to consider is to stay active in blogging, chats and in the forums so you are noticed by everyone. Get with the program and have some fun.

The Language We Use in Swinging

Swinging, a social-sexual recreation, has adopted a number of words and terms. These words, for the most part, differ in meaning according to the set of people who use them in the lifestyle. One example is soft swinging or soft swing. Both terms are in wide usage in the swinging lifestyle today, but have meanings different from the first use. A typical meaning is sex only with ones regular partner, but in a setting where others also have sex. Soft swinging was invented and first used by Club WideWorld, a swing club in Southern California, in the 1970s in the clubs ads in the Los Angeles Free Press and has since become a recognized world around the world.

This was discussed in the book The Other Americans: Living in Emerging Alternative Lifestyles published by Lifestyles Press in 1978: Swinging in Southern California developed at the outset into swing clubs and party houses offering what in New York is now called on-premise swinging. At the end of 1971 there were no fewer than twenty such clubs and party houses in the Los Angeles/Hollywood and Orange County areas. You went to the party to swing, not to socialize for the purpose of being invited to a party elsewhere. All swinging was right there on premise. The terms Open and Closed (swinging) were not used but both were practiced at the same party. It was here that the term soft swinging was invented, by Wide World to differentiate from most swinging practiced in Southern California. Soon the terms soft swinging, hard core swinging, and just curiousswinging were in general usage in the area. Soft swinging, also called by some soft core, referred initially to a social environment conducive to swinging but without pressure to swing. Hard core swinging meant that all were expected to swing, even required. Another term greatly misunderstood and misused is the Lifestyles Community. Some today consider lifestyles to be an alternative word for swinging, and lifestyles community as including all who are swingers. The truth of the matter is far different. This term has been used for many years by LSO, Ltd., also known as The Lifestyles Organization, in referring to its entire organization including members, associate swing clubs and resorts. Others, swingers or not, are not included. A better and more accurate term for the whole of swinging is the Swing Community. The word Lifestyles, especially when capitalized generally refers to The Lifestyles Organization or one of LSOs companies, such as the annual Lifestyles Convention, Lifestyles Tours & Travel, Lifestyles Resorts or any of the events of any of these companies.

Robert McGinley, Ph.D.

CEO Lifestyles Tour & Travel